Bright-Eyed and Bushy or a Winter's Tail

Bright-Eyed and Bushy or a Winter’s Tail

As I was sitting here reading the last bit of Bill Bryson’s very funny book A Walk In The Woods, I heard my landlord, David, scraping away at the ice on the back steps with his green plastic snow shovel. I got up and turned on the porch light, but the light didn’t go on so I grabbed a copy of "Oleson’s Adventure or It Isn’t The End of The World" and walked downstairs and fiddled with the loose light bulb.

The light went on. I looked across the way at David who was standing on the top step of his porch.

He said,"Hi, Gerry."

I said,"Hi. I had a colonoscopy today and want you to have a copy of my adventure." David works as a healthcare professional and is interested in these kinds of adventures.

David murmured,"Thanks....Did you see the squirrel in the bird feeder?"
"What?’ I said.

"Yeah....there’s a squirrel headfirst in the birdfeeder. He got stuck and must have died in there."

I said, "Wow." And walked across the yard to the clear plastic cylindrical 24 inch long birdfeeder hanging on a nail on a cedar tree.

There it was...a full grown adult gray squirrel...motionless...head first down in the very confining feeder.

I said,"Well, that shows you what greed can do."

David just sighed, "Yup." David is a Republican so I am sure he understands.

I said,"I’ll be right back. I want to get my camera." I scurried across the slippery driveway, up the steps, into my apartment, grabbed my digital camera and hustled back down into the yard.
David was still standing by the tree. Sigh. Sigh ." Poor thing,"he said.

I said,"David....I’ll take care of it if you want me to."
David said,"Ok."

I walked back across the yard to my apartment to get a plastic bag.
David said,"You don’t have to take care of it tonight."

I said, "Yup."

But I didn’t want to leave the carcass hanging there all night so I got a black plastic bag from off the steps to my apartment. I took a couple of photos of the squirrel in the birdfeeder. The light wasn’t very good so I took the birdfeeder off the nail on which it was hanging and put it on the porch where the light was better. And snapped a few more photos.

I then placed the birdfeeder lengthwise on the frozen ground...thinking that I could pull the squirrel out by the tail , place it in the plastic burial bag, and give it a respectful funeral. I put my hand into the plastic bag making sort of a glove and grabbed the squirrel’s tail.
"WHAT THE HELL?" The squirrel’s head moved just the slightest bit. Now down on my hands knees I could see the slightest twitch of the squirrel’s eyes.

I leapt to my feet and ran to David’s front door and rang the doorbell and knocked on the door. The doorbell never works, but out of habit and respect I push the button anyways. I knocked on the door again, opened the door, and got jumped by David’s three golden retrievers, Angus, Emily and Gracie.....

"It’s alive! It’s alive!", I exclaimed.

David’s wife Jan the dog caller called from the kitchen, "It’s alive?"

David came on to the porch. He said,"It’s alive?"

I said,"Come and see."

We both hunched over the encapsulated gray squirrel and could see his nose twitching.
David asked,"How are we going to get him out of there?"

I said,"Let me go up and get some gloves."

When I returned, David had a hammer with him.

I reached into the birdfeeder and tugged on the squirrel’s tail.

He was solidly ensconced in the feeder. David tapped on the end of the feeder and dislodged the plastic neck around the top of the feeder.

"I don’t want to scare him," said David.

I picked up the birdfeeder and gently shook it and the squirrel slide backwards into freedom. He jumped on the ground....ran very fast up the driveway...(I thought now he is going to get run over.) He stopped. Looked around and bounded down the driveway toward the trees and the river.

I said to David,"It’s a good thing I decided to take care of him tonight."

David walked up the steps into his house.

So we did a good deed...freed a "sciurus carolinensis" from confinement in a plastic prison. Are they lessons to be learned here? I don’t know.....but as I said to David,"It’s stuff like this that makes me want to see how it all turns out."